.. in the deepest bowels of Hell, a man cackles like a maniac as wisps of fire leap from his fingertips.. his grizzled hand reaching into the miasma that is Satan's Armory to find a particular implement of torture... he is unyielding in his search... tenacious... at first, it was hidden in the jumble... age old axes, an iron maiden, rusty thumbscrews, and a bootleg copy of that Barbara Steisand porno "casting couch" video she did when she was 17 3/4 that had barred the way...
.. and then, it was his... pulsating in his wizened hand... eager to do business with the Woeful Doomed.... the most heinous tool in Beelzebub's broom closet.. it was, this very morning, forced upon me..
... I suffered under it's long-handled yoke all day.. stopping only to utter curses and wipe sweat... once, I even looked up to see the garbage men pointing and laughing... yes, men who scrape maggot-covered roadkill from the highways and byways of my county thought themselves lucky that they were hanging onto the railings of a truck carrying two tons of garbage in 90 degree heat... hell, I can't blame them... I'd rather have been them than me today too...
... for those of you dazzling urbanites, you'll not be able to fathom my tormentor... the same goes for almost everyone under the age of 30... if you fit into either category, consider yourself blessed...
... for those of you who are over thirty with rural backgrounds, you might be able to pity me after hearing these three words...three words that chafe against my teeth as I try to mouth them... three words that I hope never to hear in the same sentence again as long as I live...
... post.. hole.. diggers...
... tomorrow?... it'll be hammers...
ROFLMAO - we've got one of those... I just pulled it out of my shed and moved it to the garage for moving day. Maybe I should put it in the garbage heap instead and let it be hauled away.
Bullshitted by Teresa on September 6, 2005 06:30 PM... do it, Teresa... do it now...
Bullshitted by Eric on September 6, 2005 06:32 PMGood post Eric. Ironically, I just picked up a 22 oz. framing hammer today... Because my co worker kept making fun of the little 16 ouncer that I had been toting around.
The sad thing is, he was right all along. The nails go in much quicker now with seemingly much better ease.
It's amazing how just 6 ounces can make a huge difference...
Bullshitted by Gooseneck on September 6, 2005 06:32 PM... indeed, Goose.. my diggers were made about 1945 out of melted down spitfires or something.. fuckers weigh about thirty pounds... been handed down from laughing parents to crying children for generations...
Bullshitted by Eric on September 6, 2005 06:39 PMI guess I'm not coordinated enough to use those damn post hole diggers, I just use a shovel.
Bullshitted by livey on September 6, 2005 07:09 PMOh honey, I am so sorry.... I *knew* you were going to have to work hard today (with the deck and all) but damn! Post holes? With the manual digger plunge and squeeze motion? Yowza! That sucks. I feel for you, I really do.........
On a brighter note I picked up a bottle of 10y.o. Glenmorangie today (per your suggestion). I look forward to indulging later (and hope you can too). Icy hot and Advil though.... if you can't.
Bullshitted by Richmond on September 6, 2005 07:17 PMPicture a wolf rolling on the ground on its back, laughing... They can give you a workout, can't they. Looking at my pair, which was a pair Dad had, right now. Never thought they were that bad as a kid or a teenager, not sure about now. Good luck!
Bullshitted by Laughing Wolf on September 6, 2005 07:42 PMGreat Goddamn, Eric. Of course, the thought of a Streisand"casting couch" is the FIRST thing i see after i eat. A true pal, you are.
Now i have to go shower in bluewater to get that thought clean of me.
Thanks muchly.
Oh, and post hole diggers, you poor bastard. I feel for you.
Bullshitted by tommy on September 6, 2005 08:00 PMI hate those damn things. I hate the tamp, too. I hate those t-post drivers too. Shudder....
Bullshitted by Tina on September 6, 2005 08:07 PMHell is right! I HATE those things!! You are DA MAN Mr. Eric - if you labored with those all day. I'm hurtin' for ya!~
Bullshitted by Tammi on September 6, 2005 08:09 PMTwo words...Power Auger.
Bullshitted by Rey on September 6, 2005 09:07 PMYou and my Dad need to seriously get together. Y'all scare me. You've got post hole diggers passed down from generation to generation and he's got a 40 lb chainsaw passed down from father to son that he JUST GOT SHARPENED! He's still usin' that sucker. He's got tools in his shed that are over 100 years old. Civil War in some cases I bet. He probably uses them too.
Goddamned posthole diggers!
I come back from vacation to this crap. I am exactly one day over twenty-eight and I know the beast. I have a toe that knows them well.
You may want to think twice about giving me the keys to the castle after harshing my buzz like that.
Just remember the basic rule of carpentry. a 16d nail is just long enough to go thru two 2x4s and into your hand.
Bullshitted by recondo32 on September 7, 2005 01:03 AMGod God man. And you claim to be evolved.
-Rental place.
-Credit card.
-Gas powered auger.
And to think you are (or perhaps once were) a resourceful Marine.
Bullshitted by bitterman on September 7, 2005 02:01 AMSwing blade will be next.
Bullshitted by James Old Guy on September 7, 2005 06:43 AMOkay, maybe I'm a little off my rocker, but I actually enjoy using a post hole digger. There is something.... therapeutic about it.
Then again I only use one ever 4-6 years, and it's usually for no more then 7-8 holes but I find it relaxing.
Bullshitted by Contagion on September 7, 2005 08:56 AMI'm thinking the judicious use of explosives would accomplish the same goal, wouldn't it?
Bullshitted by Harvey on September 7, 2005 09:03 AMPOSTHOLE DIGGERS? Hell, us country boys dive T-bar for fence posts and if we need a hole we hook the auger up to the power take-off on the tractor.
The only thing I ever use a hammer for any more is to kill a Palmetta Bug. Everywhere I use to use nails I now put together with screws and a screw-gun. Faster, easier, and holds up a hell of a lot longer. Besides, if sweetthing decides she wants the sumbitch moved I can just unscrew and disassemble and put it back together when I get around to it.
Now, about that picture of Striesand on a casting couch, its just to gotdam early in the morning for me to visulize that without puking.
Bullshitted by GUYK on September 7, 2005 09:17 AMROFLMAO! You poor, poor man.........
Bullshitted by Maeve on September 7, 2005 10:12 AMGivem Hell Cuz!!!! Don't let Pops white eye you. Yea our Pops tend to work us like that. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!
Bullshitted by Big Daddy C on September 7, 2005 03:37 PMTwo other words.....DECK GUY.
Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on September 7, 2005 09:59 PMLOL! didn't know what the 3 words were till I googled them. You should have seen some of the pictures that came up.
I feel for you because it's still hot and sticky outdoors. I hope you only have a few to work on!
Bullshitted by michele on September 8, 2005 08:37 PM